Unseen Scars of War - Pt 1

Well, I just need to vent and put down everything that has been bothering me the past few weeks. As many of you know, Tom deployed last month. What most of you don't know is after 2 weeks of him being in country, he was med-evac'd home because of unresolved PTSD (which took us by surprise). He's been home for around 3 weeks (my days seem to run into one another, so that's just a guess). He just wasn't himself, much worse than last time.

I was going to go into his background with the 19th, but I'll just say they did not treat him the same way as they did the other officers and I believe it is because he put his men and their safety before kissing up to them. Fort Knox was not prepared for a full unit to come back from a 15 month deployment. They had just set up the WTU a few months before the unit came back and Tom had absolutely no support from his command. The WTU was so unorganized that they "lost" one of the patients in their care only to find him 4 days later dead in his room. I believe because he didn't show the anger/violent symptoms commonly associated with PTSD, he was pushed aside and nothing was done excpet here...take this sleeping pill at night to sleep and this upper in the morning to function... We made it through the anxiety of being out in public and he was sleeping through the night. He seemed to have completely gotten over it. Even his COL this time said that he never would have thought Tom would have been sent back or had any issues. We were all taken by surprise. Tom came back totally different this time. I am so glad that he has a command that actually cares for their troops and is 100% supportive of him during this time. It has meant alot to both of us. I hope that Karma catches up with the original 19th's command that cause the unit so much stress and messed up so many of the soldiers.

Now for my problems. lol Tom's sleeplessness is taking it's toll on me as well. While Tom is a great help, he is more needy of my help now as well. Which is kinda ironic because right now I need him alot to do simple things for me. I have almost 8 weeks left in this pregnancy and have already been told by my midwife I'm not allowed to vacuum or do anything more strenuous than that. They are watching me close to make sure I don't go into pre-term labor with this one like I did with Victoria (I was 2 cm dialated at 32 weeks with her). Pushing the cart grocery shopping kicks my butt and causes me to have Braxton Hicks contractions for the rest of the day. I feel bad for having to ask him to go shopping with me (especially if it's to a place that might be busy). We've scheduled when and where we go out as to how crowded it is. I feel so bad and helpless because I can't really do anything to fix him. I know it's something he's going to have to do for himself. I am with him and support him 100%! Which is very rare. At least 8 out of 12 guys in his current group are divorced or in the process and the others don't have a great relationship with their wife. It's hard not knowing what tomorrow will hold. We literally take one day at a time because each day is different. The memory problems are just as hard. We were having a converstation about getting a new mailbox and 2 sentances after the first, he had not clue what I was talking about. I have to remind him most times what we were going to do or where we were going for dinner (if we go out). I am just glad that we were stationed very close to family for the kids sake. The grandparents can take them out and go places that Tom and I just can't. The hard part is that they just don't understand at all what we are going through. His dad understands though (he is retired Army during the Vietnam era), but strangely his mom is clueless.

I have my reasons for saying things I have said even though it might not make sense. I just didn't want to put all the background behind some statements in here. So while it makes sense to me, it might not to you. I pray that none of your spouses will ever have to deal with PTSD.